Where do I begin? With the sentiment that we have all experienced this emotion? Or perhaps that it could well be a concept made up in your brain as a result of the relentless teasing of society? Or do I start with you? Yes, you. The person reading this who has been doubting themselves recently, whether it be a little bit or a lot. There is always the question of ‘what if?’ and its constant nagging is a dynamic force that we, as humans with real emotions and feelings, constantly have to battle with. I will not sit here and tell you to stop doubting everything like self-worth advocates do – while their missions are good at heart, they are often not realistic. You cannot simply flick a switch and say ‘wow! I’m not doubting my abilities at all!’. It doesn’t work like that. It’s a gradual process that requires a lot of soul-searching and a lot of self-discipline. So no, I won’t tell you to stop doubting things. It’s a healthy part of our human nature. It's how our brain chemistry works and if someone tells you they have never had a doubt in their life, just know they’re lying – doubt is something you cannot avoid, no matter how brave or spontaneous you are. It’s the foundation for safety assessment and the net we fall on if we don’t succeed at something. If you submit a school essay with no doubts that you’ll get top marks, you are setting yourself up for disappointment (unless you are Albert Einstein or a profound literary). With the ‘I have no doubts’ mindset, your emotions will be dramatized if you do not hear the results or see the outcome you had previously hoped for. The doubts you have are healthy. Embrace them. While it may seem disruptive, allow it into your headspace. It’s a safety pillow that you can fall upon in the future and while this may seem like a rather sad take on self-belief, it's in the best interest of the preservation of your mental health.
Now, I am not telling you that you cannot do something you set your mind to. Have you ever heard of the saying ‘reach for the stars because if you fall, you’ll land on the clouds’? That is the perfect analogy to represent this blog post. Reach for the stars by all means. Apply to that university. Go on that trip. Submit the essay you worked hard on. Do believe in yourself – you deserve to have that faith in your abilities. This blog post is about not feeling weighed down by doubt by embracing its presence. Allow yourself that safety net to fall on if you don’t see results straight away. These doubts build up our character. They strengthen our mental capacity and elevate our concentration. They push us to work harder, to persevere and to get the things we want. The whole ‘I don’t know if I can do this’ charade can be used as motivation to drive you to work harder. To work better. To turn that ‘can’t’ into a ‘can’. Imagine it this way – there is a mosquito flying around you and it is super annoying. Let’s call this mosquito ‘Doubt’. So, Doubt continues to encircle you, pestering at you with its many annoyances. What do you do? Do you allow Doubt to carry on annoying you for the rest of your life, leading you to think ‘what if I just crushed him?’. Or do you just crush him and fulfil your capabilities so that you can reach your true potential? You crush him, obviously. But do you see how having the feeling of doubt around you for a while can motivate you and push yourself and to work harder? Its healthy persistence is a gift. It’s the secret of the most successful people of today. Do you really think Elon Musk had zero doubts about SpaceX? No, of course not. He must have doubted SO MANY details along the way, and as a result of these doubts, he used them to get to where he is today (with the help of a few other things, of course).
Another way you can look at it is characterising doubt as a helium balloon. It can lift you up in a way that allows you to see the bigger picture of things. Like a hot air balloon over a city. From way up high, you can see everything. So hang on to the balloon string and allow yourself to fly up to see the bigger picture. Utilise its characteristics and give it its own fun, crazy personality. How about a little, squiggly monster? It’s a comfort corner you can resort to when you need that extra push and like I said earlier, its also your safety net for if things, on the odd chance don’t go the way you intend for them to go.
To bring aspirations into the conversation, my biggest dream currently is to study at Yale in Connecticut – a very selective, prestigious Ivy League school. Their acceptance rate hovers around 5%. I could not tell you that I don’t have doubts. I have doubts every day. ‘What if I’m not good enough?’, ‘What if I’m not smart enough?’, ‘What if I disappoint everyone?’, ‘I can’t do it’ – and that is the one doubt that I LOVE. The ‘I can’t do it’. Who says you can’t do it? Society? The mirror? That one stuffed animal you have who looks kind of mean? Who actually said you can’t do it? Think about it.
No-one.
Nobody said you can’t do it. And if some random person who is a side character in your life said that you can’t, show them that you can. Turn the ‘I can’t’ into an ‘I can’. Because you can and you will. You are the main character in your life and at the end of the day, your opinions and self-worth is more important than people’s conformed opinions. You CAN. So, go out and do it. Use the ‘I can’t’ doubt. Let it motivate you. Crush that mosquito. Float up in that balloon and see the bigger picture. You CAN.
Doubt is your friend. It is cheering you on, believe it or not. You just have to lean into its tactics and understand how and why its love is masked as demeaning, personal insults. It’s the ultimate test of motivation and often the best form of motivation.
XOXO,
Lola
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